Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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