i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
