winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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