An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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