are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
