ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
