she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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