How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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