if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Randomize