Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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