Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
