i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
