I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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