She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
