this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
