im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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