You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize