I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
