that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
