you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just high enough for therapy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
