how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
