Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
