yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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