She is in my trunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize