Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
