That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
