I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
