Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
