i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
