dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
