We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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