I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
