it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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