They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize