we're chasing vodka with high fives
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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