She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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