Define "chronic" masturbator.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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