Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
