It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
