it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
