my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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