I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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