So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
