"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
