when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
