i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize