he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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