Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
