that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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