He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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