Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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