my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
