So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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