You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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