I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My feet surprised me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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