so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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