and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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