can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
