My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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