Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
