Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
