I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This is not my ceiling
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
