i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
