do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
