I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Damn victory sex feels great
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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