just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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