I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
