I forgot how hot balto sounded
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
