fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
