At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
