Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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